10:30 pm depression
Today, the weather was absolutely gorgeous. 76 degrees, sunny, and just unbelievably amazing. I actually got up at 7:30 and went for a walk. It was that nice.
At work, there was havoc. All out havoc. I think though that no one really knows...yet.
I missed two extra credit on my management test. I should have only missed one, but in the frenzy of the morning I read the question wrong.
Two tests and a quiz to go.
I have spent all evening setting up this site.
It is my motivation to get back into what I love because I need to. I've neglected it too long.
This evening, I went on an emotional rollercoaster. First, I watched One Tree Hill on the WB tonight. They were daring and tackled the issue of school violence recreating their own Columbine. I don't know how many of you ever saw the movie Elephant, but the message was much different. Not only did they manage to kill off the depressed gunman, they also killed off one of the main characters in an act of pure evil. I know it's only a television show, and not even a very good one at that, but a villian who is just so despicable it makes you want to puke anytime he comes into the frame, well I think that's just a bit too far.
After recovering from that, I read an email from camp giving us an update on how close summer really is. They revealed the admin staff and I think they will have a whole lot of potential this summer. Good people indeed.
At the end of the email, it was noted that one of the counselor's mother died yesterday. Immediately my heart sunk again. While this counselor was never a close friend of mine, over the course of the last four months or so, I have come to realize what an incredible and amazing person she is and how much I respect her for everything she does. It seems that everything happens to her and I can only pray that life will turn around soon. My heart is with you.
This sunk me into a minor depression and I finally had a chance to speak with my confidant. I explained my roller coaster emotional ride, and she told me, "You do seem to feel things like this very deeply, even when it has little to do with you." It's so true. I don't know if it has to do with my sophomore year of high school and everything that came with it or just the fact that I have little else to do, but tragedy hits me. It always hits me. And it smacks me across the face, rips my heart out, and throws me to the ground.
Kind of like the movie Closer that has been on the campus movie channel all week. That movie depresses me but it's quite a wild ride. It hurts, but it is glorious. How is it that that pain feels good?
So here I am back to my somewhat ill state, and I don't even know what to do but to go to bed and get up tomorrow and continue on with my life.
To all those out there who are hurting, physically, emotionally, mentally, my heart goes out to you. If I could help you feel better, I would. I hate suffering and pain of all kinds. Alas, there is nothing I can do to fix it. Do what you need to do. Cry. Be angry. Ask the questions that may never be answered.
In time, you will recover. We carry our lives with us everywhere we go. We cannot escape our pasts. The scars shape our character and are constant reminders.
Strength will get you through. Find faith. Have faith.
And hold on.
At work, there was havoc. All out havoc. I think though that no one really knows...yet.
I missed two extra credit on my management test. I should have only missed one, but in the frenzy of the morning I read the question wrong.
Two tests and a quiz to go.
I have spent all evening setting up this site.
It is my motivation to get back into what I love because I need to. I've neglected it too long.
This evening, I went on an emotional rollercoaster. First, I watched One Tree Hill on the WB tonight. They were daring and tackled the issue of school violence recreating their own Columbine. I don't know how many of you ever saw the movie Elephant, but the message was much different. Not only did they manage to kill off the depressed gunman, they also killed off one of the main characters in an act of pure evil. I know it's only a television show, and not even a very good one at that, but a villian who is just so despicable it makes you want to puke anytime he comes into the frame, well I think that's just a bit too far.
After recovering from that, I read an email from camp giving us an update on how close summer really is. They revealed the admin staff and I think they will have a whole lot of potential this summer. Good people indeed.
At the end of the email, it was noted that one of the counselor's mother died yesterday. Immediately my heart sunk again. While this counselor was never a close friend of mine, over the course of the last four months or so, I have come to realize what an incredible and amazing person she is and how much I respect her for everything she does. It seems that everything happens to her and I can only pray that life will turn around soon. My heart is with you.
This sunk me into a minor depression and I finally had a chance to speak with my confidant. I explained my roller coaster emotional ride, and she told me, "You do seem to feel things like this very deeply, even when it has little to do with you." It's so true. I don't know if it has to do with my sophomore year of high school and everything that came with it or just the fact that I have little else to do, but tragedy hits me. It always hits me. And it smacks me across the face, rips my heart out, and throws me to the ground.
Kind of like the movie Closer that has been on the campus movie channel all week. That movie depresses me but it's quite a wild ride. It hurts, but it is glorious. How is it that that pain feels good?
So here I am back to my somewhat ill state, and I don't even know what to do but to go to bed and get up tomorrow and continue on with my life.
To all those out there who are hurting, physically, emotionally, mentally, my heart goes out to you. If I could help you feel better, I would. I hate suffering and pain of all kinds. Alas, there is nothing I can do to fix it. Do what you need to do. Cry. Be angry. Ask the questions that may never be answered.
In time, you will recover. We carry our lives with us everywhere we go. We cannot escape our pasts. The scars shape our character and are constant reminders.
Strength will get you through. Find faith. Have faith.
And hold on.
posted by Ruby @ 8:30 PM
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