Ramblings from the Mediocre

Bella II

2011-01-05T21:20:00.001-08:00

This post is coming to you from my new laptop that I purchased this afternoon and picked up this evening. It is an HP Pavilion dv6 and it is beautiful. I've also ordered the Windows 7 Pro upgrade which is supposed to get here sometime next week. Until then, I'm trying to not download too much and cause too much trouble.

In the meantime, here are a few of the projects I have to work on.
1) Digitizing my entire music collection. I also purchased a hard drive today and I'm hoping to get it all on there. That will be done with my old desktop.
2) Finishing my NC notebook. So many more possibilities of things to look up and type up.
3)Read Cryptonomicon and work on the Key to Cryptonomicon geocache.
4)Finish watching Everwood Season 3.

I still can't believe I finally went out and bought this today. I've been talking about buying a computer for a while now. I haven't wanted a laptop since high school until the seasonal work, especially camp, has led me to mooch off work's internet. In the end, I'm hoping this will make my relationship a little smoother and make my life a little easier especially come summer.

Expect much more blogging with this development. Expect more and less productivity. This is a tool to make some ideas come to fruition. My tool to make some of my life happen. Let's do this.

Geocache Worthy

2010-12-03T14:11:00.000-08:00

I think this blog might become my geocache blog. Yep. It's true. Keep your eyes on the prize ladies and gentlemen because soon this will be a whole new treasure hunting world.

Moving to the A to the L.

2008-09-01T16:47:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I pick up my life once again. I'm moving to Alabama to teach at an outdoor education program. The anxiety I'm feeling right now is quite similar to the anxiety I felt prior to working at Sony. Will they like me? Will I do a good job? Will I enjoy my work? Will I fit in?

It's kind of like the first day of school except I always knew I was going to like school. Even if there was a class that I wasn't going to enjoy, the first day of school was always fun. The first day of a new job is often kind of difficult. You have lots of questions and don't want to pester others with all your questions but have to wrestle with your need to know the answer.

Not too mention this is a career change too. So much for the music business. At least for now. The other night I got into a big long discussion with my mom about iTunes because there are artists who are actually withholding their music from iTunes because of various reasons. I still find it fascinating and would love to write about the business--but I don't think I'll ever really be working in it.

And then there is the part where I have to pack and unpack all my stuff now and in three months. Though it's all packed now--I have to unpack it tomorrow and then repack it again in November. Moving every 3 months is so aggravating.

It's an exciting time in my life. I can't help but be excited, anxious, and terrified all at once.

Now that that is out of the way

2008-03-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

I am three months out of graduating from college and where am I?

Well, I am working for the music publishing division of a large multinational corporation and I am wanting more than ever to give up on the BUSINESS of the music business and move back into how I started in all this madness--the scene. Straight up raw energy and do it yourself-ers. *Sigh.* I'm also thinking I want to open my own bakery. How much fun could that be??

In the meantime, I will be working at my beloved summer camp once more as a head counselor. I am so stoked about this summer and I will try to keep you posted on the latest happenings via this blog.

Graduation Weekend.

2007-12-29T00:22:00.000-08:00

I think if you’ve been paying attention to my life at all you know that I graduated from college on December 15. The following blog is an attempt to recap the graduation weekend which was beyond all things amazing and memorable. Thanks to all who were involved. We start our adventure on Monday, December 10.

Monday, December 10.
My final day of finals started off pretty normally. I woke up around 6:30 and then lounged in bed until about 8:00. I had spent the entire day before studying for my two physics finals. Around 9:15, I hopped on my bike and rode over to the science building to await my academic fate. I felt pretty confident about my multiple choice Acoustics final but my Analog Electronics final had the potential to be painful and hard as crap. Luckily, I only needed to score about 50% on both of the exams to keep my A’s in the classes. No pressure. The Acoustics final came and went pretty well. The last section of stuff we studied was SO fascinating. It was about Information Theory and how messages inherently carry a certain amount of information that is quantifiable. And of course every one I’ve told about Information Theory thinks it’s cool but also agrees that I am undeniably a dork. Point taken.

I inhaled a little lunch in between exams and then nervously tackled the Analog Exam. It was five questions (as opposed to the normal four) with three questions of material from previous tests and two questions of material learned in the last two weeks of the semester (Mmmm…active filters and op-amps). I have no idea how I really did on it but obviously well enough to get an A for the semester. As soon as I turned in my exam, I exited the science building for the last time and headed to the KUC to pick up my cap and gown. After braving the madness, I got on my bike and Pomp and Circumstance echoed in my head over and over again (I would later explain this experience to my sister via Google Chat where I wrote “Bah dah dah dah daaaaah dah, daaah dah dah dah daaaaah” which she correctly interpreted as Pomp and Circumstance). The smile on my face was about as ridiculous as could be. Upon returning to my apartment, I was greeted by “YOU’RE DONE!” from my roommate who was subsequently going to Sonic for a late lunch. I tagged along for a celebratory Holiday Mint Blast. I came back to my apartment and rejoiced in being done.

All semester long the marker board on my door acted like my real live facebook status. It says “I’m…” and I fill in the blank so my roommate knows where I am and when I’ll be back. This particular Monday, my board read, “I’m…finishing college.” I have yet to erase it.

>>

Friday, December 14, 2007. Graduation Eve.
Most of my week was spent working at my aunt’s office and trying to do last minute cooking and prep for brunch and the grad party. I spent all day Thursday cooking.

One of the highlights of the week was my attending the 615 Holiday Party at Dave and Busters. We arrived more than fashionably late. After rushing through dinner, all 30 of us went to bowl on one lane (really more like 8 people on each of the two lanes) which resulted in a bowling game that lasted for about two hours. In the end, Jeremy won, with Mark in close second and me in third (with a 130 breaking my royally sucking at bowling streak). There was also the robots video (“It’s robot time already?”) that I may try to upload and just all around funtimes. Mark owned at air hockey but that’s okay because I never claimed to be good at that. Jeremy and I found a pretty cool first person shooter game that we conquered pretty well. Fun was had by all and I walked away saying, “Damn, I really wish they would hire me.”

Thursday evening I drove back to Murfreesboro to do last minute shopping and prep for brunch. My roomie and I braved traffic to go to Hobby Lobby and Old Time Pottery and to experience Red Robin. Then a quick trip to the grocery store and twenty-four delicious wraps later, I was left pondering my impending graduation. More than anything I tried to enjoy every last minute of that week and soak in anything and everything college that I had forgotten to enjoy. I also picked up some cool swag at the bookstore for the dual purpose of decorations for the party and for my use post-festivities.

Friday morning I woke up and checked my computer constantly for information about Juli’s flight. Finally around 10:30 when the flight had left and I couldn’t stand waiting around in my apartment anymore, I packed my stuff and headed for the airport. My best friend in the whole freaking wide world came to my graduation after jetting from a final Thursday afternoon (yeah she was in Nashville by Friday at noon after driving from Indy to Valpo on Thursday then, on Friday, hopping on a bus to Midway in Chicago and then flying to ol’ BNA). YAY! I’ve been trying to convince Juli to move to Nashville (so if you know of anyone who is looking for a fresh outta college journalism student, lemme know—esp. in magazines) since I moved back here and I don’t know if I am making any headway, but I always try to show her a decent time while she is here. That being said, we went home and while I reminisced about Governor’s School (which Juli tolerated very well) and worked on Matt’s shirt, Juli let the scrapbooker in her out while she made fantastic little placecards for all the desserts we had prepared for the party.
Soon after finishing our arts and crafts project, the Whomptons arrived with Raina in tow. She was a little shocked by all the people but managed to do amazingly all weekend long. Juli and I gushed over Raina and played with her as long as she would let us. Dinner was the infamous Whitt’s meal that my mom cooks and we all sat around and talked during the evening. My last evening as a college student was far from eventful or even really interesting, but I spent it with the best possible company I could really ask for.

Saturday, December 15, 2007—Graduation Day

The day the countdowns had led me to had finally arrived. I apologetically stirred Juli out of bed at 6:00 a.m. and we headed down to the ‘Boro, after a quick stop at the Donut Den for muffins, donut holes, and cinnamon rolls. We both changed into our cute outfits for the day and started getting the food ready for brunch. Around 9:00 a.m. there was a knock at our door. Angie’s parents had gotten bored at the hotel and so they came over a little early. They did a dry run of the food and gave it good reviews and we mainly spent the next two hours hanging out in the apartment chatting and waiting for more people to come. Aunt Ginny arrived around 9:45, closely followed by Leah, and the McCoy clan. (I ran into Leah walking up to the apartment as I was on the phone with Jeremy who was asking if he was too early). Food and festivities followed. While I played hostess, Juli answered the door (I could not have done this whole weekend without you my friend.) Mom and the Whomptons arrived around 10:15 and Emily and Dad showed up at 11:00. There were pictures and a collective game of Raina Dog and good conversation all around. Leah departed around 11:15 and then I realized how late it was getting. I tromped upstairs and made the last preparations, grabbed my cap and gown, and gave final instructions for the rest of the clan remaining in the apartment until it was time for graduation.

At 11:50, I jumped in my car and frantically drove the two minutes down the road to the Murphy Center. With cap and gown in hand, I parked in the muddy lot across from the marquee and sprinted to the basement level of the Murphy Center. When I walked in, I looked for the list for lineup. I mistakenly ended up looking at the faculty lineup and was then directed to the correct list by a friendly security officer standing in the corner. 2-7-14. Gymnasium 2. Row 7. Seat 14. Gym 2 was right there so I skedattled in and found my roommate playing with her graduation present (a new iPhone…cool!). As the gym filled up with other cap-and-gown wearing kids, it really started to hit me. THIS IS HAPPENING. I am graduating from college. Time seemed to pass by so slowly as we just stood around waiting for direction. Finally around 12:30, they directed us to go stand in our respective rows. There were wood blocks on the floor with stenciled numbers. Everyone found their rows and then proceeded to ask “What seat are you?” I found number 12 in my row and 13 never showed. After about another 15 minutes of standing around, they passed out our name cards which were the key to us actually walking at the cue of our name. They also pointed out that our dear friend Justin who was at the beginning of the Mass Comm line held THREE cards. The additional two pink cards were to alert the reader that we were graduates from the College of Mass Communication NOT the College of Liberal Arts. After all, we didn’t want to shake THEIR dean’s hand. More instructions were doled out. “Men take off your caps during the moment of silence. Don’t lose your card. Don’t leave before the ceremony is over. Congratulations…” etc. And then, before we knew it, it was 12:59 and the ceremony was beginning. The procession waited until the other gym of students could walk around the basement of the Murphy Center to enter though the opposite tunnel.

As I exited the gym and entered the hallway, I saw Dr. McPhee, the university’s president with whom I had had a PR interview the previous week for being an honor’s graduate from the state of Tennessee. I smiled at him and the next thing I know I am walking into the Murphy Center. It seemed like the arena was packed. Sure there were empty seats, but I didn’t immediately see them. Man, all these people were here to see us—to see the pomp and circumstance. This is really happening. As this thought settled I heard, “OH! There’s Stephanie. STEPHANIE!!” My mom, dad, sister, brother and wife and child, aunt, best friend, and boyfriend and his family were seated right in the lower center section of the arena. I waved and they all waved back and the tears starting welling in my eyes. They all looked so freaking proud. Eric and Krystal pointed at me and told Raina, “Look! There’s Stephanie.” When we made eye contact, she got this adorable smile of recognition on her face and that helped me swallow back the tears and continue marching.

I ended up on the end of a row seated next to the “special guests” section including some congressmen, the grad speaker’s husband, Lady McPhee and others. The girl sitting on my right was very persistent at texting and chewing her gum and joking with her friend in front of her. Whatever. This was my day and no one was going to ruin it. We stood while the procession finished and the music vamped for the one hundredth time. I hunted for professors that I had had, but very few of my professors actually attended graduation which was pretty disappointing. McPhee directed us to sit down and we went through the various people who must be recognized. I had a very clear view of the Jumbotron and a less clear view of the stage (One can’t see over those mortarboards very well). At one point during the schpeels, I just closed my eyes and thought, Take in this moment. This is it. You are really here. TAKE IT IN. Live it. Remember it. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes again, so I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I looked around the arena to see people in the seats still waving at their kids on the floor trying to get their attention. I was grateful I could turn around at any point and know exactly where my supporters were.

The speaker was alright. She started off well with, “Parents, be grateful your son or daughter is here today because after today they will have single-handedly doubled their earning potential.” Har har. It was all downhill from there. When she got to the part about the chocolate pies and the you-got-where-you-are-because-you-don’t-want-to-disappoint-people, I pretty much gave up. I had several more “soak it in” moments and I was grateful for those. Then, the speaker finished. Before they started calling names, those graduating with honors got to stand up. I patiently waited until they stated, “All those graduating with our highest honors, Summa Cum Laude, please stand and be recognized.” I stood and smiled. Damnit, I worked hard to stand and be recognized for ten seconds and I was going to enjoy it. Then came the 700 names to be called. Now, the College of Mass Communications is the last college to graduate so we had to wait a while. A long while. Dang liberal arts people…Yeesh. Actually I knew a person or two here and there enough that I was able to stay awake and excited. Before too long, the rows behind us were getting up and then my row stood up. As we walked down the center aisle towards the back I’m thinking, “Cap on straight? Check. Stoles straight? Check. Hair okay? Check.” I walked by my crew again and they waved happily and proudly. And then I was standing in line at the stage, which suddenly looked much shorter. I handed over my name card and nervously watched it get added into the shuffle. Then I stepped up the two steps and the cue lady at the side of the stage grabbed my arm.

I took a deep breath.

“Stephanie Lynn Compton.”

It was tunnel vision. All I saw was Dr. McPhee smiling and holding out his hand. I shook. He said, “Stephanie, congratulations.” I replied, “Thank you Dr. McPhee” (*photos snap*). And I took my diploma [case] and continued down the line of hands to shake. “Congratulations on your honors,” the graduation speaker said as she shook my hand. I continued down the steps, stopped for a moment as I watched those in front of me pose for their in-front-of-the-flag-with-diploma [case] photo. When it was my turn, I put my feet on the small piece of paper with feet drawn on them, smiled, and then it was done. I looked up at my family as I walked back to my seat. They smiled and waved, even more proudly. When I asked Juli about my walk later, she said that all my guests had cheered loudly and wildly, but I hadn’t heard it. All I could see was the path to the president and across the stage. I sat in my seat while the adrenaline continued to pump. I took a few more deep breaths and did the only thing left to do—watch and wait. As the last rows marched up to the stage and the line up to the stage grew shorter, the murmur among the crowd grew louder and by the time the final graduate’s name was announced, the whole arena had erupted into excited cheers and clapping. It was amazing.

We stood and moved our tassels and marched out. I waved one last time at my family (and my best friend who might as well be family) as I exited and I laughed as I noted that they were already sitting in section J which had been abstractly chosen as our rendez-vous point after the ceremony. I hurried back into the gym, grabbed my stuff and then made my way outside and around the building. As I rushed towards the top level of the Murphy Center, I had various random people tell me “Congratulations” as I walked by. It was somewhat odd, like there weren’t 700 other people dressed like me wandering around. I shimmied my way hastily through the crowd and finally found section J. The whole crew was waiting to give hugs and pats on the back. We headed out of the hot gym and took a couple mandatory Compton family photos. Juli and Aunt Ginny came with me, while the others opted to walk back to my apartment, despite the threatening clouds (actually because of a lack of a car seat in my car). Then, the clouds unleashed their fury. We took back roads back to my apartment and found Mom and Emily in the driving rain along the way. They hopped in the car and we went back to the apartment to meet up with everyone else. The Whomptons headed back to Nashville while the rest of us took more pictures and packed up the food. Juli and I were the last ones out of the apartment with an assortment of stuff in tow.

The drive back to Nashville was full of traffic. What would my last real commute be without rain and ridiculous traffic?

Rosemary, a family friend, was already at our house preparing dinner (that was her gift to my mom) when we all got home. We were eating one of my all-time favorite meals, Sweet and Sour Chicken. So with ten people crammed around our table (definitely not made for that many people—a new record!), we hastily ate dinner trying not to bump elbows with one another. Once we had finished, the table was stripped of our dishes and we started busting out the desserts. Juli helped me reconstruct the MTSU-themed center piece while Emily and Krystal moved the furniture in the den to be more Wii-friendly. On the table we plated the spread including chocolate mint desert, peanut butter balls, banana bread, lemon bread, fudge, cranberry bread, truffles, burbon balls, fruitcake, Christmas tree cookies, pineapple cherry throw cake, fudge ecstacies, chocolate chip walnut pie, date balls, and I think that’s it. We also had some spiked eggnog that I thought was quite delicious, but very tame for all you real drinkers out there.

Jeremy and Kayla arrived around 6:30 after venturing out on the Wii-quest that became quite the quest indeed. We got it all set up and did a few test runs before the guests started arriving. (Many thanks to DanB for letting us borrow it!!). After dominating in bowling, I let the others have a shot. Around 7:15, the doorbell rang—FIRST GUESTS! I open the door to see 615ers Mark, Bo and Traci. I introduced them around and before I could spend even two minutes talking to them, the doorbell rang again. John (my choir director from church in high school) and Keith had arrived. Hugs all around and after they arrived, it seemed like there was no stopping the stream of people. The Parkers, Nancy, the HH crew (Jen, Anna, Anna, and Sally), and Nate and his girlfriend. The presence of all these people, plus my family and my best friend and my boyfriend…life was so freaking good. There was dessert eating, eggnog drinking, Wii-playing and good times had by all. It was great to get a chance to catch up with everyone and just enjoy the amazing people that I know* (see below all you amazing people!). At 8:00 p.m. we played a rousing round of trivia. If you want to know the questions and such, I will happily post them in a separate blog where you can read them. I pitted boyfriend vs best friend for team captains. Alas, it seems the boyfriend team won, but only by 50 points, and if I had taken the time to add the questions from various tests I had taken in college, I think Juli’s team might have had the edge. Nice work all around.

As people began to trickle out and say their goodbyes, the night wrapped up. Around 9:00, almost everybody was gone except for my family members, Jeremy and Kayla, Juli and Anna P. I grabbed Anna on her way out and we retreated to my room where I finally let out the tears that had been swallowing back all day long. I didn’t cry because I was upset. They were genuine tears of happiness. While there is a factor of things coming to an end, this is also a beginning. I was just very overcome with emotion all day long and I forced myself to hold it together, but as Anna and I sat in my room eating pie, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The faucets turned on and I let it out, red puffy eyes and all. I had had such an amazing day. One of the first days in a while that I genuinely did not want to end and sure it was cool we were celebrating my accomplishments, but I was more pleased with having my family (biological and not), my support system, together and here. Granted, it was not every part of my support system either, but even since graduation, I have had the chance to catch up with friends that I haven’t had time to speak to in four years. I’ve received letters and phone calls and facebook messages that remind me of why these people have made an impact in my life and why I felt the need to send them announcements or invites in the first place.

One of my greatest strengths and at the same time one of my greatest flaws is that I commit myself 100% to everything I do. I told myself to commit to living in the moment on this important day and to feel and experience every single moment. I did it and it was truly overwhelming. That’s what put me in tears as Anna said, “I am so proud of you.” I had had a really great day and I want to commit it to memory for the rest of my life—the pomp and circumstance, the festivities, and most importantly, the people. After the party was over and the den furniture was moved back in place, and the last guests left, we cleaned up and Juli and I plopped into bed. No sooner had our heads hit the pillow were we asleep.

*Above everything else that I took away from this weekend, I have realized that I have such amazing people in my life. Not only the people that were at the party but all my friends and family everywhere who love me or care about me or just want me to find success. I could stop and take a moment to talk about each one of you and how you have made my life better somehow. But, I think this entry has gone on long enough, so what I will say to all you, in the very least, is thank you. Thank you for being you, for pushing me, challenging me, supporting me, teaching me, loving me, hating me, and caring enough to be there when I need you to do whatever it is you do best. You have touched a life and however lame and cheesy that may sound, I say it as genuinely as I possible can, and I hope one day you will realize how amazing that is. With that being said, keep me posted on what you are up to and I will always be there for you, no matter what.

Linkage.

2007-11-25T18:43:00.001-08:00

MTSU's official page.

http://www.mtsu.edu/~proffice/misc07/grad_dec2007.htm

It's real.

Invitations are out.

2007-11-24T20:21:00.000-08:00

They were mailed on Friday. Keep an eye on the mail.

Graduation plans taking form.

2007-11-18T19:42:00.000-08:00

Well today my mom and I had a delicious conversation about graduation plans so here are the latest developments.

The party invites are in and in my possession. Depending on my workload and focus this week, I will likely be addressing invites today and will probably have them in the mail Friday. If you haven't sent me your address already, PLEASE do so.

Secondly, the party will include spiked egg nog. Delicious.

Third, entertainment will include trivia about yours truly and possibly Jeremy and co. playing acoustic (and maybe some Wii depending if I can get my hands on one).

Fourth, I'm contemplating a trip to laser quest after the party if any partee goers are interested.

Fifth, I'm going to propose a brunch before graduation with my roommate for all those who are in town to see the gradumication. I haven't passed that idea with her, but I think it would be fun to make some breakfast casserole. Plus I feel bad about making my mom entertain and FEED all these people for the weekend.

Sixth is a note to self: If the weather is nice, the patio will be decorated. I need to remember to do that.

Seventh, I can't believe it is only four weeks away!

Happy Thanksgiving all!

Details and invitations.

2007-11-06T12:26:00.000-08:00

It seems that the party is being changed to "dessert and coffee" to prevent any confusion about if dinner will be served. I am okay with that because I adore sweets. Anywho, the regular christmas goodies will be available plus hot drinks and other delicious goodness. If you have any idea for somewhat healthy sweets, let me know, because I know not everyone wants to indulge at the holidays.

Also, we will be having a trivia contest at 8 p.m. It will be various questions from and about my academic career. It shall be gloriously fun and I promise a good prize for the winner/winning team.

Other graduation news: I have taken my last exit exam. The RIM test was extremely doable. I'm pretty sure I at least got 150 out of 200 right, but hopefully I got more than that. The Audio For Media questions had nothing to do with what we studied in the class so that was kind of lame.

AND, I am graduating at 1 p.m. instead of 2. They moved the graduation up after I ordered my announcements (LAME). Speaking of, graduation announcements are on the way to my house which means they will soon be on the way to yours. My class ring should be here right around graduation AND I am waiting on the proof for my party invites. Woot Woot.

I have my PKP stole so I will be one of the ones in a yellow stole. Hopefully that will make me that much more identifiable.

It is drawing near my friends.

Party Planning Update

2007-10-09T19:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I graduate in exactly two months and 6 days. Here's what I know so far with regards to the grad bash.

40 Graduation Ceremony Invites to go out
30 additional party invites to go out (70 total!)

The party will be right around the holidays so holiday wear is acceptable, but the theme of the party will be "Dress up like what you want to be when you grow up." There will be an award for best dressed. :)

Food will include appetizers and deserts. So far it looks like:
Cheese pennis
Mini quiche
Curried Cheese Spread and crackers
Kettle Korn Popcorn
Lemon Bread
Mini Polenta Sandwiches
Fresh Fruit and Veggies
Graduation Cake
Chocolate dipped strawberries
X-mas tree cookies
Luscious chocolate truffles (or Fudge Ecstasies...depending...)

Drinks
Party will be alcohol free but will have soft drinks and apple cider.

That list may get trimmed down a bit but I think it looks quite delicious.

Getting more and more excited about school.

2007-07-12T09:33:00.001-07:00

Last summer, I was somewhat dreading school starting in the fall. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it is because I knew I had a hell semester coming my way where I was going to be faced with ridiculous amounts of work. That was the semester that turned out to be the toughest thing I have done in school since junior year. Man...how I hated that semester and how I grew from that semester too.

I'm looking forward to going back to the JAWC to volunteer (maybe I can crank out another online newsletter) and seeing MA and Terri again. I'm excited about having a daily schedule that doesn't keep me locked in an office all day long. I'm stoked about being able to go the rec center on campus and getting Tau Sigma ready and rearing to go. I haven't even mentioned the G word yet, but I'm stoked about that too. I'm excited about yet another internship (although dreading having to put all that together and go through the process once again). I don't think I've been this excited about going to school since about senior year of high school. But I guess that is appropriate. I have a daring four months left of school and then it's over. Done. Kaput (for now...) and I am so excited about this semester, I can hardly contain it.

Did I mention I'm excited about my classes? I am, though at least one of them will be hella hard. It should be a crazy and fun semester where I face the ridiculous challenge of sorting out my life one day at a time.

Immediate to do

2007-07-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

I move back to Murfreesboro on July 13. Night of the staff luau *sigh.* I'll come back for it and finish the moving over the weekend.

So once I get all that squared away (including getting cable, internet, and electricity all turned on and functional), then there is the matter of finding an internship for the fall...not looking forward to the ol' internship hunt...again. This one is a bit trickier...less about experience...more about hiring potential. Another publishing company? Biz management? I dunno...guess I better get hunting for that here soon.

Then there's the buying books and stuff I have to deal with before school starts *gross.* Spending more money. Ewww.

Oh well. Graduation will be here before I know it and I'll be worrying about grad invites, honor society crap, cum laude GPA-age, and post-graduation stress.

Graduation Info

2007-06-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

This is the official site for MTSU graduation info. Though currently it has summer 2007 grad info...before too long it'll have the Fall info.

December 15, 2007. 2:00 p.m.

Graduation countdown

2007-06-21T12:16:00.000-07:00

This blog will hold all the info about my graduation. Countdown, feelings, things to do, progress, and of course info about the big grad bash. Love.

So Hard to Make a Change

2007-04-24T10:54:00.001-07:00

I think I will post something long and boring here soon. Updates are necessary.

Welcome to the Jungle

2006-10-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

A figurative jungle that is. A jungle aka fall 2006. I am currently taking 19 hours at good ol MTSU. I am taking one RIM core class, four RIM sub core classes, a physics class for my minor, and working in the lab from 12 to 4 am one night a week. That's not all. In addition to that, I am holding down my scholarship job at the women's center and working at the music school for a measly income of $6.25 an hour (and a date out at Widji here or there just to provide a change in scenery). Is this what it is like for everyone preparing to graduate in a year and a half?

I'm calling for a backup. Since I last wrote I was embarking on the excitement that was Maymester. My classes were supercool but one of them was perhaps a little unrealistic for a 3 week course. Music as Popular Culture was fascinating but the two papers and class presentation and all essay final was a bit intense. I think our professor took pity on us and awarded us with A's nonetheless. I learned a different way of thinking in that class that I hope to carry with me through the rest of my life. My other class was the epitome of a summer class. It was the "Art of Soundtrack Design" aka watch a movie, write a short paper about what happened aurally. It was fantastic. We watched a movie one day, wrote a paper and discussed the next. I had a lot of fun with my papers and my professor liked what I wrote. It was a blast and a half. Friday, June 2nd, after scuddling around at the state track meet all week, I took my finals, packed my bags, and moved back home.

Taking no respite whatsoever I turned around and started camp the following Monday. I was assigned to sub for Moonpie who apparently never came back to camp during the summer due to obligations to baseball or something of the like. Translation, I had 11 year old boys all week. This was probably one of the most challenging weeks of camp I've ever experienced. I had never had boys, nonetheless t-bird boys, and I was stuck with a bunch of kids who wanted their old counselor back. After the ball-biting incident and a considerable break-down by me, I stood up and remembered why I like camp so much and actually began to enjoy the rest of my summer. The sophomore summer was a tough one to be honest. There were issues I never thought I would have to deal with, not to mention it was one of the hottest summers on record. You know it's hot when you are profusely sweating by 9 am (and that happened many days this year). I had a good group second session, a rough group third session, and then an amazing veteran group fourth session, followed by an even more incredible newbie group fifth session. During the last session, I had a group of warrior boys that I adored and I remembered once again what kept me going day in and day out. The bus trips needed improvement this year, but I guess I'll know next year how to step up and lead that.

It's amazing how the negative criticism will stick with you. One of the evaluations turned in to our bus site said that the bus counselors "could have been friendlier.." I remember being so hurt by that. Although I knew it was true, I also knew that the parents have the unfortunate pleasure of seeing us probably at our worst--at the beginning of the day before we are awake and at the end of the day when we are worn out beyond belief. I have many things to improve upon for next year and many things to look forward to also.

Assuming all the money gets raised, resident camp will open in 2008, which is conveniently the summer after I graduate.

Ah yes, the G word. Nobody's really asking, but it's the only thing I can really think about these days. I graduate in 14 months. I hope to spend Jan-April 2008 traveling to see my friends around the country and working some full-time job that will pay my bills and give me flexibility in my free time (Wishful thinking huh?). I hope during that time I'll be able to do some freelance writing and really dig into the scene that I love so much. From May to August I hope to work out at camp, possibly doing admin staff for resident camp, although I'm not quite sure yet. That will give me 8 months from when I graduate to hunt down a job that I can tolerate long term while getting to do a job I love in the meantime. The thought of graduation is both absolutely terrifying and acting as my savior at this point. I keep looking towards it thinking that it is not so far away but then I get smacked in the face by all that I have to do before tomorrow and 14 months seems like eternity.

Mainly I have put myself in a pretty dreadful position as far as this semester goes. Without even really knowing it, I signed myself up for classes that would collectively require three group projects, three term papers, one term project, and tests and quizzes interspersed in between. While only having 1 midterm, I still have five finals to take at the end of the semester. Did I mention these so-called group projects are essentially business plans and we all saw how much I stressed about the great entrepreneurship business plan of Spring '06. Luckily that plan was actually pretty minimal in its scale and I was interested in doing it. I've never liked group projects. Although I am relatively confident in my artist management group, I fear that my other group projects may not come together in time. I could go on my rant about group projects here, but that is entirely unnecessary at this time. I think you get the jist. I am not a fan.

The lab hours are a necessary evil. I like to think of it as building character. I've been lame enough to generally get 8-10 hours of sleep every night throughout my college career. This semester I'm lucky if I catch 5. I don't quite know how I did it in high school, but after this semester I know I never want to do it again. 9 hours of sleep is officially my minimum and after this semester I will do what it takes to preserve my precious sleeping time.

The women's center is different with the new director. I think it is headed in a good direction. But I also think I'm going to be glad when my time commitment to the center is done. I would come back and volunteer to do the JSA scholarship processing because I thought that was pretty fun. Alas it is a spring activity. I will get my fair share of it this semester though.

My job at the music school so far has been fun. I really like sitting backstage and hearing all this glorious music (well most of it is glorious). It may not be rock and roll, but so much of it has so much power nonetheless. I also think it's cool how at least one of the other techs really appreciates the music she gets to hear in the course of her job. There are people out there who enjoy art! So far the tasks have been relatively menial and I've established myself as the recital card Nazi simply because I too once had to get recital cards, and I too got burned on it. Once burned, twice shy they say. So if you need a recital card, look for it at the beginning of the show, because you won't get it any other time. Sometimes I kind of dread the time commitment in my already severely time deficit weeks, but usually the nights pay off well enough.

At this point, I know I still have a lot of growing to do before I will be ready to walk across that stage in 14 months. I want nothing more to be ready. But in truth, is anybody ever ready to make huge changes in their lives?

20 day semester = Maymester

2006-05-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

There's this thing called Maymester. Three weeks of class. Most people take one class. I plan on keeping myself busy by taking two. Translation. Class for six hours a day (9-3:30 with a 30 minute lunch break), five days a week for 15 days. That means 21 days from now, I will be done with school for the summer. The more I hear about graduations, the more I want to be walking across that stage. I still have a year and a half before I'm even close to reaching that goal.

All that aside, I'm both excited, nervous, and completely dreading the next 21 days. I'm really excited about my classes...I think they are going to be really interesting and a lot of fun. And then I'm having the typical Sunday night dreading classes on Monday. Not to mention I'm going to be in class for five days a week instead of just four. I have a feeling there will be lots of reading, but I think it's going to be interesting so maybe it won't be so bad. I'm regretting telling Mrs. Russ they can crash in my room during state. I'm wondering how the heck I'm going to get all the work done that I'm going to have to do and keep my self entertained and sane. Moreover, for the next 21 days, it is doubtful I'm going to get to see Jeremy. Not only not being able to stay at his house, or him at mine, but we are talking, hardly even seeing each other for a few minutes to talk, hug, or kiss. I know last year I went months without seeing him but it's been quite a while since that happened.

I'm also anxious about this summer. As soon as Jeremy gets a car, he's going to be working two jobs to help make the house payments. I love that because it means that much sooner we would be able to move in together, but it also means that there will be that much less time that we will have to spend together. In some ways, it makes me think I should take the opportunity to get another job in addition to camp just to have some extra income. I mean I'm going to be missing a lot of work. What I should do is get my name out there for babysitting, because then at least I could work flexible hours and could watch TV. I dunno...things are just so up in the air right now.

I just feel very scattered and that's really all I know to say right now. Tomorrow will be the beginning of the focusing. But for now, i can only hope that I can just go to sleep tonight.

In knots

2006-04-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

My stomach is in a thousand knots. Last week was stressful and I spent the weekend relaxing. Alas, this week just got a thousand times more stressful and I'm truly about to break under the pressure of it all.

I have two more chapters of management to get read by the end of the week so I can go sell my book. I have to create my financials and finalize my business plan and get it printed and bound this week. I have two induction ceremonies to attend this week. Labs to practice, electronics to learn, electronics TEST on Thursday (really this is the cause of all this), and a weekend that will be much needed and yet, no more helpful in this whole process.

I'm working for my throwing coach from high school this weekend on friday and saturday. I need the money so there is really no turning it down and it might be fun. I need to go give blood and I severely need to wash my car. I just don't think there are enough hours in the day. Easter dinner is Sunday so I will likely hang out at home on Sunday night, which gives me Sunday afternoon to accomplish the things around the house that I need to get done.

My mind is a jumble with everything I have to do and I find myself on the verge of tears every now and then. These are the moments that being in school sure as hell ain't worth it. The only relief I find is that in approximately 26 days, this semester will be over. I will be embarking on another rough adventure after that, but I will also be only three weeks away from camp, dear camp.

I will be lucky if I can sleep.

And, to top it all off, I miss my boyfriend.

Unfortunately, I have run out of time to think. Now it is time to do.

See you on the other side.

It'll be light at six.

2006-03-26T19:47:00.000-08:00

I was looking at my calendar today. Daylight Savings time starts on Sunday morning. I can't believe we are at daylight savings time already. I mean this time next week, it'll be April? Wowee.

Coming back to school on Sundays has gotten harder and harder. My weekends are like vacations. Rarely do I do homework and mostly I just spend time with my wonderful boyfriend. Then, I come back on Sunday afternoon, (and as was the case today, lock myself out of my apartment), cry about the fact that the weekend is over and buckle down to do a shitload of homework. So far, Sundays have been my most productive day. I guess it is my way of trying to put my sadness out of my mind. I just don't know.

Here's the plan that I have decided as of today. I have been stressing like no other about getting the classes I need/want and making up my 1.5 year plan so that I can graduate in December 2007. This is the conclusion I have come to. I am going to take the necessary electro-acoustics classes for the next year (phys 1600 and phys 3350--that takes care of fall and spring semester next year). Then, when it gets to fall '07, I will look at my schedule and see if the last two classes fit. If they don't fit, I'm going to say, "DOWN WITH THE EXTRA MINOR" and get my degree and get the heck outta here. It's not that I don't like this school, it's more that I just really want to graduate and get on with my life.

Welcome to what happens when all your friends are older...you just want to be one of them.

I see all these people out there, you know having a life, and I recognize that right now school is my life. But I cannot wait for the day where I get to just come home to Jeremy, cook dinner, watch TV, and crash. I don't know what job I'll be able to snag when I get out of college. I'd like to think there is someone out there who will hire me and pay me enough for me to get by. For the most part, as long as it's not illegal, I don't really care what I do. A job is a job. Do I want to work at camp? Yes. Will I ever get a permenant job out there? Who knows. At this point I can't say whether it is too likely or not. With resident camp opening right before I graduate, I'd like to think there would be some new oppotunities to come. At the same time, it may mean all the jobs will be taken by the time I'm ready to do it. Thinking about my future stresses me out. It's like some kind of sick obsession. It's painful to do so, but I can't stop. Thus is what it is like to be 20 years old I guess.

Classes end in four and a half weeks. After that, I have a two weeks until I'm done for the semester, and hopefully another week before I gear up into class again (hopefully TWO classes...dependant on phone calls tomorrow). It's refreshing to know that the end is near. Truly. After next week, it's very possible I can pretty much stop working in at least one of my classes. That would be a beautiful thing. Next week I have three tests and the final section of my business plan due (although she says she's gonna push the date back...but I want to get as much of it done as possible...). This is what we call the 3/4 mark of the semester. It's the third test of four in all my classes, and thus, how I do on this test will dictate how well I must do on finals.

My dad told me last week to not stress about grades. I can't help it nowadays. It is engrained in my head. Over the next two weeks, I'll be stressing less about grades and more about getting all the classes I need when and where I need them.

It truly is to the point of being painful.

This week will be unfortunately long. I have one test and the rest of my classes demand nothing this week. Therefore, I will be chilling out here basically all week just trying to get menial tasks done and then I have to stay until Friday because I have to go to this freaking seminar for my Entrepreneurship class. I'm hoping I can sign the roll sheet and bolt, but there is no guarantee this will work.

I live for the weekends. I look forward to them all week and then mourn them when they are over.

I miss my Jeremy.

For once, I actually finished my to do list. Check back later and I'll let you know if I finish my list for the week.

There never seems to be enough time for the things you want there to be enough time for. 'Tis too true.

Happy birthday to my brother (28 on the 29th) and my sister (31 on the 31st) this week. Hope things are happy and grand.

11 weeks and counting.

2006-03-12T15:51:00.000-08:00

As I finally got my computer up and going, and nestled myself back into the butt groove on my cushion on my desk chair, it hit me. I have eight weeks of school. Eight long weeks. Eight weeks to recover from the grim test scores that plagued me the week before spring break. Eight weeks to suffer through these classes that have yet to spark my attention. Eight weeks until I get to switch it up, work really hard for three weeks, and then spend the summer at camp. Eight weeks is a long time.

Eight more weeks of weekends at home, and Thursdays with Jeremy. Eight more weeks of crunching numbers, cramming information, and reading till my eyes slouch. Eight more weeks of 12 hours of business classes a week and one electronics class that despite being mildly (now severely) lost, will be missed. Part of me just wants to get it over with. Part of me wants to forget the double minor so I will be out of school that much sooner but then reality checks in.

My dad asked me on Saturday night, "So where will you apply to get a real job?" Right, like I know. The truth of the matter is, that question is probably one of the most feared in my life right now and that's not a decision that I have to face for over a year and a half. I need these extra skills. It's the only way I'll ever be marketable.

I still have this overwhelming feeling that I'm wasting my life while I'm spending all this time in college rather than feeling like I'm investing in my future. That's the way I need to see it though. This now is for tomorrow's there. I keep trying to tell myself that it will eventually all pay off and that it will get better, but I don't know how long I can lie.

A friend of mine wrote in her xanga that the reason school is so rough is that if you are not doing school work, you feel guilty about it. Whereas, once you start working, it's work, go home and that's that. Getting paid doesn't depend on how you do outside of your job. Rewards in school are almost solely based on what you do outside of the classroom and on your own. Granted there is merit in that idea, but for the love, maybe life wouldn't be so heinous when in school if there wasn't so much pressure on your work outside of school hours. Sure, when you are working there are other problems. Errands, repairs, families. But is it such a crime to want to be done with school.

The fact of the matter is, when I finish this semester, I am over halfway done. Three semesters after this one. That's all. THREE. You look back and it seems like it's gone by so quickly, yet when you are in the moment it feels painfully slow. After this semester, I will officially be a senior although I refuse to give into that statement until spring 2007.

I hate wishing my life away and yet, I need these days to hurry up and go so I can get to where I wanna be and where they want me to be.

10:30 pm depression

2006-03-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

Today, the weather was absolutely gorgeous. 76 degrees, sunny, and just unbelievably amazing. I actually got up at 7:30 and went for a walk. It was that nice.

At work, there was havoc. All out havoc. I think though that no one really knows...yet.

I missed two extra credit on my management test. I should have only missed one, but in the frenzy of the morning I read the question wrong.

Two tests and a quiz to go.

I have spent all evening setting up this site.

It is my motivation to get back into what I love because I need to. I've neglected it too long.

This evening, I went on an emotional rollercoaster. First, I watched One Tree Hill on the WB tonight. They were daring and tackled the issue of school violence recreating their own Columbine. I don't know how many of you ever saw the movie Elephant, but the message was much different. Not only did they manage to kill off the depressed gunman, they also killed off one of the main characters in an act of pure evil. I know it's only a television show, and not even a very good one at that, but a villian who is just so despicable it makes you want to puke anytime he comes into the frame, well I think that's just a bit too far.

After recovering from that, I read an email from camp giving us an update on how close summer really is. They revealed the admin staff and I think they will have a whole lot of potential this summer. Good people indeed.

At the end of the email, it was noted that one of the counselor's mother died yesterday. Immediately my heart sunk again. While this counselor was never a close friend of mine, over the course of the last four months or so, I have come to realize what an incredible and amazing person she is and how much I respect her for everything she does. It seems that everything happens to her and I can only pray that life will turn around soon. My heart is with you.

This sunk me into a minor depression and I finally had a chance to speak with my confidant. I explained my roller coaster emotional ride, and she told me, "You do seem to feel things like this very deeply, even when it has little to do with you." It's so true. I don't know if it has to do with my sophomore year of high school and everything that came with it or just the fact that I have little else to do, but tragedy hits me. It always hits me. And it smacks me across the face, rips my heart out, and throws me to the ground.

Kind of like the movie Closer that has been on the campus movie channel all week. That movie depresses me but it's quite a wild ride. It hurts, but it is glorious. How is it that that pain feels good?

So here I am back to my somewhat ill state, and I don't even know what to do but to go to bed and get up tomorrow and continue on with my life.

To all those out there who are hurting, physically, emotionally, mentally, my heart goes out to you. If I could help you feel better, I would. I hate suffering and pain of all kinds. Alas, there is nothing I can do to fix it. Do what you need to do. Cry. Be angry. Ask the questions that may never be answered.

In time, you will recover. We carry our lives with us everywhere we go. We cannot escape our pasts. The scars shape our character and are constant reminders.

Strength will get you through. Find faith. Have faith.

And hold on.

The college culture

2006-02-27T08:26:00.002-08:00

I hate college.

Let me revise. I hate what college has become.

The college culture is disgusting. The college degree is becoming less and less important. Skills and experiences are key nowadays. It is no longer about the slip of paper saying you completed the undergraduate experience. If you want a slip of paper to help you out, go to grad, professional, or trade school. That diploma that you spend four years working on is nothing.

I would say that at least fifty percent of the people that go to college shouldn't be there. Kids who have yet to learn responsibility. These people who throw their lives away in alcohol, drugs, and sex simply because, "These are the glory days--my days to live it up." They run the gamut. There are kids who are vice to the max and there are kids who are Christian to the max. "I accept Jesus in my heart," who turn around and say that homosexuality is wrong and that these people will be condemned to hell. This is what the future thinks. I think close-mindedness is the worst vice. Tunnel vision will kill you because you just are not aware of all the life around you.

I am at this point in my life where I feel like I've stalled out. Last semester I was working so hard for this goal. Now that I have acheived that goal, the only thing I have left to work my booty off for is to graduate a semester early. If I can graduate in December 2007, I will be living happy. Sure I probably will not have a job lined up or even enough money to afford a place to live. I would like to think I'll still be in this amazing relationship that I am in, but there is not even a promise of that. (I mean there are promises, but there is no way for us to really know.) I have eleven weeks of school before I get to dive in head first to camp. I have 8 weeks after this week of this semester, and three weeks of summer session.

I like my simple life of going to class, doing the work, and curling up at night with a good tv show and my warm bed. I dislike drama and I adore the low key lifestyle that is everything college is not. I look at my friends and I question how many of them will be there when this is all done. I do not like having lots of friends. I am one of those who prefers to have one or two close friends. unfortunately, my closest friend is 300 miles away. I have yet to find that close friend here. I know she's here somewhere, I just haven't quite discovered her yet.

I have the love of my life. He treats me like a princess, a companion, and a friend. I can tell him just about anything and for that I am so greatful. Being in love is glorious and for all the years it eluded me, I am so glad I waited for this one.

I like the simple life. It may not be exciting. It may not produce great facebook photos, but it keeps me calm.

But, I have got a long way to go before I am "all grown up." I have got a long wait and some more evolving to do before I will truly be ready to face the world. While I claim I an antsy to get out there, it's more that I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to get away from the atmosphere that frowns on my simple life.

And yet, here I am, trucking through one day at a time. One class at a time and one test at a time. I take it slow because I tend to forget that everyday is precious.

Life is precious.

And yet it college, it seems that we are told to throw it away.

That is why I hate college.

Musings from the Circle

2005-11-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

When a person is in a constant state of frenzy and stress, every once in a while, that person will find themselves at a place of helplessness and calm. This isn't the point at which all stress is relieved--no sir--this is the point when one has filtered all their psychological energy into their life and at this point can acheive the fullest, most complete state of thinking and motivation. Why is it when we are at this supposed end that we can accomplish so much? Humans are procrastinatory beings--hoping to get the most credit for least work. We do as little as possible as late as possible. And yet, if we wait too long, the moment passes and we rot beyond ripe and our mental state decomposes into carelessness.

How can we work towards our future goals when tomorrow isn't guaranteed? When we discover that it is highly likely we will experience tomorrow, we face the reality of the duties we must complete. But the value of these deadlines--the value of these accomplishments is so minute, why do we even bother? We are savage creatures and Freud believed we are in a continous tension between our insticts and the bonds of civilization. This fight is always amidst our unconscious. As if we needed another conflict with all the hundreds of other fights we face day by day. It's a wonder more people don't defenestrate themselves.

What is the key to our sanity? Is it venting our deepest darkest desires through film noir and evenings of bestial passion? Perhaps we fulfull these voids by merely watching the nightly news. Is it the humanitarian efforts that we claim serve others while serving ourselves? Humans can be ugly creatures; yet we pride ourselves as the sophisticate. Where does that pride take us? We thrive off it--of believing we are superior to all other creatures and to one another. While we have accomplished many incredible feats, we still line up on the battlefield to blow our opponents away from our territories and our economic interests.

A human life rarely carries purpose because people, despite claiming they want to find the true meaning of life, rarely actually search for it. They demand concrete answers and absolutes. It is in the acceptance of that which is ambiguous and uncertain that we gain the most knowledge. To have purpose, you must create it. While there may be pre-positioned choices, ultimate free will guides you through those choices. Perhaps there is a being that knows what roads you will follow, but ultimately the choice lies with you.

The irony of it all is that the road you pick does not matter. There is a beginning and an end. The middle will be quite different for us all. While the idealist would claim it is the middle that is most important, the essential piece of your life is not what you have done, but what your sense of self is when you reach the end of that road. There will be pain. There will be pleasure. You may do everything right or totally wrong. Understand that the standards by which you judge are yours and yours alone. Throughout life we must face others standards of judgment constantly thus causing the aforementioned frenzy and stress. In the end, it is only your sense of self that will ever really matters.

Reflections I was surprised to see

2005-10-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

I am midway through the semester, and still freaked out about everything I have left to do. Tilda chain please:
~~~~~~~
Candidacy still makes me nervous, and I am still very confused. Lately my big stresser on top of everything else that is going on is that my blood pressure has been dangerously high everytime I go to Health Services (thus they refuse me service). This week I have an appointment. They will likely put me on meds, and I'll get pissed off about it when it doesn't help, and more than anything, I just want to have everything under control so I do not have to worry so much. As if I don't have enough stress as it is. I mean I have had roughly a breakdown a week since I started school--that's how stressed out I am.

I have spent the last few days contemplating. I still hate college. But I like my situation this year a lot better than last year. I go two weeks without seeing my wonderful boyfriend rather than six. I get to sleep, do homework and enjoy having space of my own. I love it. I really do. But the institution of college is ridiculous and I cannot wait to be done with it. I know! I shouldn't wish my life away, but I am afraid I am stuck. I'm stuck in this transition from high school to adulthood, and this is my least favorite transition ever to have to make.

I contemplated whether I felt that I have been "left behind" by everyone who is off at school elsewhere. Everyone else comes home and I'm here. But I don't. I really don't. This is where I belong. My parents need me. Despite their not wanting to admit it sometimes, I know they like having me around the house. Camp needs me when nobody else is available to work. This is where I am supposed to be. If you look down on that, you need to get over your superiority complex.

I think issues from last year are beginning to resurface. Insecurities and frustrations are coming back, but they are fostering themselves in new ways. Things that didn't get dealt with over the summer will constantly nag me until I can face each and everyone. It's a process and it will take a while.

Another weekend spent studying. All too fascinating I do believe.

One week of school. 15 more to go.

2005-09-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

The tilda chain counts how many weeks I have left of school for fall semester 2005.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know. It's depressing isn't it?

Alas, here I am at a new school. It seems my social flaw is whacking me over the head repeatedly. For some reason I have no problem being ridiculously outgoing when it comes to camp and to kids, but when I am around people my own age, it is like I am a seventh grader all over again. Intimidated and intimidating I guess. Ever notice that the word dating is in the word intimidating. Now that is funny.

Life here at school doesn't feel quite strange, but it doesn't feel like home yet either. It is weird how things can be stuck in the middle like that.

I have some nasty trojans or something on my computer that I desperately need to get off, but somehow they have (no pun intended) wormed their way into files that "can't be deleted." Iguess for the next thirty minutes or so I will try and cleanse them of such things because it is really starting to piss me off.

Concert calender for the weekend:
Dancin in the District tonite: Better than ezra/Cowboy Mouth
Friday: Simpleside @ 12th and Porter OR Joe Croker (WingDing Showcase) @ 5 Spot
Saturday: The Hot Rocks @ Hair of the Dog
Sunday: Kevin Mohl and the Burning Sensation @ The Bluebird Cafe

Sounds like a rocking weekend to me.