11 weeks and counting.
As I finally got my computer up and going, and nestled myself back into the butt groove on my cushion on my desk chair, it hit me. I have eight weeks of school. Eight long weeks. Eight weeks to recover from the grim test scores that plagued me the week before spring break. Eight weeks to suffer through these classes that have yet to spark my attention. Eight weeks until I get to switch it up, work really hard for three weeks, and then spend the summer at camp. Eight weeks is a long time.
Eight more weeks of weekends at home, and Thursdays with Jeremy. Eight more weeks of crunching numbers, cramming information, and reading till my eyes slouch. Eight more weeks of 12 hours of business classes a week and one electronics class that despite being mildly (now severely) lost, will be missed. Part of me just wants to get it over with. Part of me wants to forget the double minor so I will be out of school that much sooner but then reality checks in.
My dad asked me on Saturday night, "So where will you apply to get a real job?" Right, like I know. The truth of the matter is, that question is probably one of the most feared in my life right now and that's not a decision that I have to face for over a year and a half. I need these extra skills. It's the only way I'll ever be marketable.
I still have this overwhelming feeling that I'm wasting my life while I'm spending all this time in college rather than feeling like I'm investing in my future. That's the way I need to see it though. This now is for tomorrow's there. I keep trying to tell myself that it will eventually all pay off and that it will get better, but I don't know how long I can lie.
A friend of mine wrote in her xanga that the reason school is so rough is that if you are not doing school work, you feel guilty about it. Whereas, once you start working, it's work, go home and that's that. Getting paid doesn't depend on how you do outside of your job. Rewards in school are almost solely based on what you do outside of the classroom and on your own. Granted there is merit in that idea, but for the love, maybe life wouldn't be so heinous when in school if there wasn't so much pressure on your work outside of school hours. Sure, when you are working there are other problems. Errands, repairs, families. But is it such a crime to want to be done with school.
The fact of the matter is, when I finish this semester, I am over halfway done. Three semesters after this one. That's all. THREE. You look back and it seems like it's gone by so quickly, yet when you are in the moment it feels painfully slow. After this semester, I will officially be a senior although I refuse to give into that statement until spring 2007.
I hate wishing my life away and yet, I need these days to hurry up and go so I can get to where I wanna be and where they want me to be.
Eight more weeks of weekends at home, and Thursdays with Jeremy. Eight more weeks of crunching numbers, cramming information, and reading till my eyes slouch. Eight more weeks of 12 hours of business classes a week and one electronics class that despite being mildly (now severely) lost, will be missed. Part of me just wants to get it over with. Part of me wants to forget the double minor so I will be out of school that much sooner but then reality checks in.
My dad asked me on Saturday night, "So where will you apply to get a real job?" Right, like I know. The truth of the matter is, that question is probably one of the most feared in my life right now and that's not a decision that I have to face for over a year and a half. I need these extra skills. It's the only way I'll ever be marketable.
I still have this overwhelming feeling that I'm wasting my life while I'm spending all this time in college rather than feeling like I'm investing in my future. That's the way I need to see it though. This now is for tomorrow's there. I keep trying to tell myself that it will eventually all pay off and that it will get better, but I don't know how long I can lie.
A friend of mine wrote in her xanga that the reason school is so rough is that if you are not doing school work, you feel guilty about it. Whereas, once you start working, it's work, go home and that's that. Getting paid doesn't depend on how you do outside of your job. Rewards in school are almost solely based on what you do outside of the classroom and on your own. Granted there is merit in that idea, but for the love, maybe life wouldn't be so heinous when in school if there wasn't so much pressure on your work outside of school hours. Sure, when you are working there are other problems. Errands, repairs, families. But is it such a crime to want to be done with school.
The fact of the matter is, when I finish this semester, I am over halfway done. Three semesters after this one. That's all. THREE. You look back and it seems like it's gone by so quickly, yet when you are in the moment it feels painfully slow. After this semester, I will officially be a senior although I refuse to give into that statement until spring 2007.
I hate wishing my life away and yet, I need these days to hurry up and go so I can get to where I wanna be and where they want me to be.
posted by Ruby @ 3:51 PM
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